Our Newest Baby

This week I am officially at the halfway point in this pregnancy!!  And yesterday was my mid-term anatomy ultrasound.  I was able to drop my oldest 5 kids at a friend's house, and my mother-in-law, mom, and youngest went to the doctor's office. 

What I love about the place I'm going to is that the neonatologist I am under (while being seen by midwives) does my ultrasounds.  He is the formost 4D ultrasound doctor in the area, so he does things quickly and efficiently.  What used to take me an hour with the tech at the other place took 20 minutes with him!  He also asked if we were finding out the gender, to which I said "YES"!! 

I had this feeling I am carrying a girl, although at my last check up the heartbeat was 140-150s which is what my boys were, so I waivered a little.  But the past week I felt a strong girl 'vibe'. 

He checked my cervix to see if there was a change indicating preterm labor.  Everything looks great and sealed tightly shut!  So then, he went straight to the reason I was so excited.  He asked me first, "What do you think you're having."  and I said, "I think it's a girl."  He took a look and said,

"Looks like the girls have it!  It's a girl!"

Fionna is just over the moon excited to be getting another sister.  Kayson was super disappointed at first, but today he is feeling much better about it. 

Now, Bram and I need to find the perfect name for our little girl! All we know right now is her middle name will be "Ann" after his Nana Brow.  (his Nana Jones' middle name is "Anna" which is pretty cool!) 

She was shy.

Milestones

Well, we made it past 10 weeks!!  Darcy was miscarried at exactly 10 weeks, so I was nervous as we approached week 10 with Sparky Nugget (as my kids call the new baby.)!  I had a midwife appointment this past Wednesday, and Libby used the Doppler to try to find a heartbeat.  It took about 5-7 minutes, but we finally heard the "thwump-thwump" of a heartbeat!  I unexpectedly teared up.  It was such a beautiful sound!  Libby understood, and said, "At least they are happy tears!" 

I have the mid pregnancy anatomy scan with the neonatalogist in August when we are at 19 weeks.  I am SO excited to find out if we will be having a girl or a boy!  We do have some names picked out, but are undecided between 2 boy names and 2 girl names.  We do know that if Sparky is a girl, her middle name will be "Ann,"  after my husband's Nana Brow.  Since this is the 500th anniversary of the Reformation, I thought it'd be cool/fitting to use the middle name "Luther" if it's a boy...after the man who started the Reformation by nailing his 95 Theses to the doors of the church in 1517. 

I Love Food!

Ok, so...I have to confess...I LOVE FOOD!!!  Pretty much all of the bad things like donuts, pizza, burgers, fries, cheese, cupcakes, cheesecake, etc.  are what I love.  Food tastes amazing, and when I'm stressed, it makes me feel better. (mentally...physically, if I eat too much, I do NOT feel good.)  And with a love of food comes the yo-yo weight gain/loss.  I hate that!!  I'd rather see the scale moving down...not up and down. 

So far, this pregnancy, I haven't gained anything.  I lost 2lbs., actually.  But I have been eating horribly...as in, burgers, chips, mac 'n cheese, and what not.  It's bad...

So, I've decided to do my best to cut out sugar and bad fats...basically THM but with a ton more grace and understanding. (plus, this pregnant mama wants her Sweet BBQ Bacon burger from McDonalds every once in a while!!) 

Tonight, I'm making THM Lemon Bars which I will review in the coming days/week.  I also plan on making more THM dinners, which the kids and the hubs like.  I also bought some Halo Top ice cream in Salted Caramel and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.  Hopefully I will maintain a  healthy diet throughout the pregnancy!!

 

Our Newest Baby!

Yesterday, I woke up and I was bleeding.  I panicked immediately, and scheduled an ultrasound with my midwife's office.  Turns out I have my usual subchorionic bleed...that normally resolves itself around 7-8 weeks.  I am SO relieved!!  I did get 2 pictures of our new baby!  There isn't much to see, as I am only 6 weeks, and baby is the size of a sweet pea.

Baby Sortwell #8!

Determined to Stay Active

I am resolved.  No excuses.  I WILL maintain an active pregnancy.

I always say I'm going to keep up with exercises and workouts during my pregnancies...and then promptly use the fatigue, the aches, the pains to excuse my laziness.  Well, not this time!  I'm currently at my lowest starting pregnancy weight since Fionna (I was 130lbs. when I got pregnant with her...)  at 167.  I want to keep that, and maybe lower it.  At the most, I don't want to gain a ton more.  I only gained 7lbs. with Winry so I know it can be done!!

So, what's my plan??

1.  I will stick to a healthy diet.

I will mostly stick to a Trim Healthy Mama diet with graces given for times I just slip or knowingly go off plan.  I'll be watching calories and counting macros to some degree.  I will make sure I'm getting the right amount of protein.  I'll be making better choices.

2.  I will actually workout.

I've found several pregnancy weightlifting programs that I want to follow.  Of course, no super heavy weights, but since I was already doing that prior to getting pregnant, I can still do it during.  I also will still be doing my Zumba, PiYo, and RIPPED classes when I can.  I thoroughly enjoy jogging in the summer, and cannot wait to start back up soon!

3.  I will listen to my body.

With all exercising, you must listen to your body.  If it feels uncomfortable, check your form.  If it causes issues afterwards, lighten your weights/shorten your reps.  Knowing what your body can handle is great for preventing injury.  Listening also means, if you're craving something, eat it.  It's ok if it's not the healthiest...just have it once.  If you crave it all of the time, maybe try finding a healthier alternative.  I'm currently craving jalapenos...which are pretty healthy...so that's a plus!

I am determined to remain active and healthy throughout this pregnancy.  I enjoy working out, and being active, and that can make a pregnancy pretty enjoyable, too.   

Honest Thoughts on Miscarriage...

Going through a miscarriage is awful.  It's been 5 months since our baby went to heaven, and it feels like it was yesterday.  Here are some of the things I've been feeling...

1.  How many kids do I tell people I have?

I have 7 children.  But normally, people don't talk about the dead.  My dilemma is that to not include Darcy in my child count feels like I'm saying he/she wasn't a child.  So, most of the time, I say I have 6 kids and 1 in heaven. 

2.  Why do people ask if we are done having kids?

It's like, "oh your baby died, so you're done now, right?"  Or maybe it's because we have 6 living children and people think that's 4 too many.  I'm not sure what makes people ask us that.  I am not sure how I feel about it, either.  I'm used to it as people asked us this before we lost our baby.  *shrug*

3.  Do I want to get pregnant again?

I've been struggling with this one alot lately.  Some days I feel like my depression would lessen if I got pregnant soon.  And then I think that if I did get pregnant, I'd worry and freak at every little thing. I guess we'll get to that if God gives us another one.

4.  It hurts when friends have babies/announce pregnancies

I'm not going to lie...it hurts alot when friends have their babies or announce their pregnancies.  Not because I'm jealous, or because I'm not happy for them...but because it is just something that I'm supposed to be experiencing right now, and I'm not.  My sister is overdue with my niece at this very moment, and I am so super excited for her arrival!  

5.  Church is hard.

Sundays are mixed emotion days for me.  I love to sit in my Dad's class about the Covenants!  Service is different, because I'm surrounded by moms and newborns and it occasionally overwhelms me.  

6.  It has brought my faith into focus.

I have never needed the Lord as much as I do now.  (well, I have always needed the Lord, but you know what I mean.)  Honestly, I would probably be unable to function if I wasn't a child of God.  I have my bad days, but I know that He is and will always be there for me.  He has used music as a way of healing for me.  (I've always been a music person.)  A few songs that help me on the bad days are:   Thy Will by Hillary Scott, Trust in You by Lauren Daigle, and Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson.  Thy Will was written by Hillary Scott after she had a miscarriage, so that one is especially dear to me.

To my Pregnant Friends...

Dear Pregnant Friends,

I know, I just lost my baby at 10 weeks.  I know that some of you don't know what that is like, and can't comprehend how it feels.  I know that you have no idea how to talk to me, or what to say, or even if you should say things.  I know you feel that you can't share your pregnancy joy without hurting me.  But I want you to know some things:

1.)  I am SO happy and excited for you during your pregnancy!

Yes, I feel a pang of sadness when I see your growing belly...but that doesn't mean I am not thrilled to hear about his kicks or her bout of hiccups at 10 p.m.  It doesn't mean I don't want to celebrate with you when you find out it's a boy or a girl.  I love to celebrate the precious life inside of you!

2.)  I cannot wait to hold your newborn!

I might cry the first time I hold her, but it's not you or him...it's the sadness that I won't be holding my own.  I will drink in your baby's newborn scent, laugh at scrunched up faces, and love her head of hair.  I'll tell you he looks like you or her daddy.  I'll celebrate her arrival and bring a special gift for him.

3.)  I may, at times, well up with tears.

It's nothing you said, or did.  Grief hits me at all times and in all places;  sometimes for no reason at all.  It's part of losing a loved one.

4.)  I will sometimes need to talk.

Some day, some time...I may need to just talk.  About my grief, about my baby...just talk to someone.  So someday I'll need your ears to listen, and your words for comfort.

Grieving is a process.  I'm never going to "get over" losing my child.  But with the Lord's help, and support from dear friends like you...I can live a happy, joyful life.  I won't obsess over the child I lost.  I will laugh at jokes and funny stories.  I'll spend time with friends and family.  I'll live my life to it's fullest knowing I will see my baby again in Heaven.

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.  (it is completely overshadowed by Breast Cancer awareness...)  No one talks about it as much as they should.  The statistics surrounding P&IL are staggering.  One in Four women has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or SIDS.  There shouldn't be a stigma around P&IL.  We should be able to talk about it and find support through it as common as cancer.  Women should know that they are not alone, and they don't need to go through this pain alone.

As Christians, we can find comfort in knowing that our babies are in heaven with Jesus;  singing and dancing and praising our Father.  We will meet them one day, and we will never be separated again.

Pregnancy Funnies

This pregnancy has gone off with a bang!  The cravings and nausea hit about a week and half after I found out "Bubbles" was on her way.  I am daily craving KFC's Mashed Potatoes and Gravy.  Like, ALL DAY EVERY DAY crave.  And today I started craving Ritz Crackers. 

With Fionna, I craved Pickles and Cheesecake. 

With Tiernan, I craved Baked Beans.

With Kayson, I craved Chinese Food (which is weird because I hated Chinese food.)

With Liam, I craved Fruit.

With Ronan, I craved Subway Pizza Subs.

With Winry, I craved Blueberries and Cream Cheese.

So, I wonder what else I'll crave this pregnancy.  For my nausea, my midwife gave me a new medication that is specially formulated for pregnant women.  It's called Diclegis, and is a high dose of vitamin B6 and the main ingredient in Unisom.  It works great!

I also get to see a new midwife, Libby, who has joined Mary and AnneMarie on the Women's Specialty Care midwife team!  I was SO happy with the midwives last time, and I am REALLY, REALLY hoping one of them can be there for the actual birth.  (None of the midwives was on call the morning Winry was born...although I am highly suspicious that the OB didn't even bother calling the midwives because none of them knew I had even given birth!)