Honest Thoughts on Miscarriage...

Going through a miscarriage is awful.  It's been 5 months since our baby went to heaven, and it feels like it was yesterday.  Here are some of the things I've been feeling...

1.  How many kids do I tell people I have?

I have 7 children.  But normally, people don't talk about the dead.  My dilemma is that to not include Darcy in my child count feels like I'm saying he/she wasn't a child.  So, most of the time, I say I have 6 kids and 1 in heaven. 

2.  Why do people ask if we are done having kids?

It's like, "oh your baby died, so you're done now, right?"  Or maybe it's because we have 6 living children and people think that's 4 too many.  I'm not sure what makes people ask us that.  I am not sure how I feel about it, either.  I'm used to it as people asked us this before we lost our baby.  *shrug*

3.  Do I want to get pregnant again?

I've been struggling with this one alot lately.  Some days I feel like my depression would lessen if I got pregnant soon.  And then I think that if I did get pregnant, I'd worry and freak at every little thing. I guess we'll get to that if God gives us another one.

4.  It hurts when friends have babies/announce pregnancies

I'm not going to lie...it hurts alot when friends have their babies or announce their pregnancies.  Not because I'm jealous, or because I'm not happy for them...but because it is just something that I'm supposed to be experiencing right now, and I'm not.  My sister is overdue with my niece at this very moment, and I am so super excited for her arrival!  

5.  Church is hard.

Sundays are mixed emotion days for me.  I love to sit in my Dad's class about the Covenants!  Service is different, because I'm surrounded by moms and newborns and it occasionally overwhelms me.  

6.  It has brought my faith into focus.

I have never needed the Lord as much as I do now.  (well, I have always needed the Lord, but you know what I mean.)  Honestly, I would probably be unable to function if I wasn't a child of God.  I have my bad days, but I know that He is and will always be there for me.  He has used music as a way of healing for me.  (I've always been a music person.)  A few songs that help me on the bad days are:   Thy Will by Hillary Scott, Trust in You by Lauren Daigle, and Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson.  Thy Will was written by Hillary Scott after she had a miscarriage, so that one is especially dear to me.

Living with PCOS

After doing extensive research (including reading 7 books on women's hormones and 3 books specifically on PCOS), I have decided to start using natural supplements as well as stick to a PCOS-friendly diet and exercise program.

I have been put on Metformin ER, but the side effects are just brutal.  Nausea, Upset stomach, Bloating, Gas, Diarrhea,...I mean...it's terrible.  Why live like this when there is a natural alternative called Inositol?  I found a compounding pharmacy online that makes a supplement powder called "Ovasitol" which is a dosage of both D-chiro-inositol and Myo-inositol.  You need a 40:1 ratio of D-chiro-inositol to Myo-inositol;  and Theralogix has measured it all out for you!  You just dissolve one packet in water or other beverage once in the morning, and once at night.

I also am taking these different vitamins and supplements:

Women's daily vitamin gummies

Taking a daily vitamin makes sure you are getting all of the basic vitamins and minerals needed for a healthy body.  I use Alive! Women's.  It has a small amount of inositol. 

Fish Oil gummies

Studies have shown a great decrease in cholesterol numbers when taking a fish oil...mainly Omega 3.  I take NatureMade fish oil gummies.  (no matter how much flavor & sugar you use, it still tastes like fish oil.)    It can also help insulin resistance to disappear, lowers high triglycerides, manages testosterone, and aid in weight loss.  (looking back now, I think I'll just stick to the capsules.  I don't need added sugar in my diet.)

CoQ10 gummies

This is an antioxidant that supports healthy energy and metabolism;  both of which are greatly hindered when you have PCOS.  I use VitaFusions CoQ10 gummies. (In the future, I will stick to capsules to eliminate sugar and sugar substitutes.)

Evening Primrose Oil

Studies have shown that taking Evening Primrose Oil can greatly reduce the bad period symptoms often experienced with PCOS.   I use Up & Up (Target brand).

Biotin

This little supplement helps in decreasing insulin resistance, reversing hair loss, lowers cholesterol and triglycerides, as well as a number of other benefits.  I use Up & Up brand.

B-Complex

B-vitamins are helpful in so many ways!  Some help with metabolism, other help with energy, and still others aid in glucose tolerance factor.   I use Up & Up brand.

Cinnamon

Cinnamon is a natural anti-inflammatory.  It is helpful in weight loss.   I use a local natural food store's brand.

Chromium Picolinate

This supplement helps keep blood sugar levels stable.   I use my local natural food store's brand.

Calcium & Vitamin D

I found a vitamin that is a combination of Calcium and Vitamin D3 at Target, so I'm taking that as well.  I got the Target brand of bottle.  It contains 500 tablets.

I have found some amazing websites for women suffering from PCOS.  Here are a few, PCOS Diva, Hello PCOS, and PCOS Diet Support. These ladies all suffer with PCOS, and have done extensive research themselves.  You can get PCOS specific suppliments and such from PCOS Diva.  You can sign up to get a monthly subscription box filled with goodies, samples, and tips for those with PCOS from the Hello PCOS website.

The books I have on PCOS are A Patient's Guide to PCOS, The PCOS Diet Plan, and 8 Steps to Reverse Your PCOS. They are so detailed and explain the condition in great detail, as well as provide meal plans, recipes, and ideas to help treat your PCOS.