Getting Real and Raw

I had a meltdown this afternoon. A nasty, ugly thing that resulted in me clearing off my cluttered, messy counter onto the floor while I wiped large tears of self-pity off of my cheeks.  (Stupid, I know...made another big mess to clean up).  I was done.  I was totally done. I didn't want to be a mom anymore.  I was done with the whining, the disobedience, the messes, the destruction...all of it. 

I had taken them all to the park this morning.  It had a wading pool, and for the hour we were there before eating they all were begging me to go in the pool...non-stop.  I kept my cool, and we ate lunch.  Then we went to the pool, and were there for about an hour.  Everyone pretty much had left (it's a mom's group/playdate thing at church), so I told them to get out and get ready to go.  Needless to say, they weren't happy, and L decided he would protest loudly and angrily.  *sigh*  Amidst the protests and R dipping in the pool twice more...we made it to the van.  They all then decided to protest, and beg, and demand to get burgers.  I was slowly letting my annoyance show.  I stopped at Walmart on the way home for some things, discovered I had left my list at home, and got other things anyway.  All they could do was complain and whine, and Mama wasn't having it.  So I sent them upstairs to take naps.  (Which they didn't do, btw.  Just in case you wondered if they were nap angels...)  They were whining and playing around banging on things (and Daddy was sleeping so that's a no-no.)  So I lost it. 

I gave in to my selfish desire to not be a mom.  I gave in to the desire for no responsibilities.  I gave my frustrations a voice, an out.  And it was so ugly.  I woke my husband up with my yelling.  I made the kids stay upstairs while I cleaned up my mess downstairs.  I could have let them outside, but my selfish self didn't want to deal with wet, mud-covered children as I knew they would make a mud pool and get dirty. 

Thank the Lord for my husband.  He has the ability to talk sense into me.  (I suppose that's why God put us together.)  He came down and I spilled my woes to him amid angry exclamations and tears.  He showed me how selfish I was acting.  He revealed to me that I was throwing a fit;  the very thing I was frustrated at the kids for doing!  I was hesitant to admit my wrong, of course.  But I repented, and we finished the day with Spaghetti & Meatballs while watching the new Paddington movie (which was extremely delightful). 

When you're feeling overwhelmed, defeated, raw, or just done with motherhood...remember:  you are most certainly NOT alone!  Every mother, at some point, feels the same way. You repent, you pick yourself up, and you keep going.  Motherhood is the most wonderful job on earth, it really is!  So, grab your little ones, hold them close and kiss their precious, little faces. 

My Top 10 Books for Wives and Mothers

I'm sharing with you all my top 10 mommy/wifey books I absolutely LOVE and recommend!  I have a TON of these books, and each one is unique in it's own way, opening my eyes further to the truths of motherhood/wife-hood like never before.  So, here they are:

1.  Desperate:  Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe ~ Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson

 I needed this book so much after my 4th baby was born!  It is so beautiful, so true, and so uplifting.  (There is an accompanying DVD as well.)  It's a refreshing read when you're just feeling so overwhelmed with motherhood.

2.  Having a Martha Home the Mary Way ~ Sarah Mae

 Oh, Sarah Mae!  She gets me.  She speaks to my heart.  This book is fabulous!  I love that at the end of every chapter there is a Martha challenge, and a Mary challenge.  It speaks to the spiritual and homemaking aspect of our lives. 

3. The Excellent Wife ~ Martha Peace

 This was the very first wifey book I ever read.  I read it cover to cover every single year.  It has such wisdom in it!  My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, friend and SIL's mother did a Bible Study on this book many years ago (when I was pregnant with my second!)

4.  Idol Lies ~ Dee Brestin

I had the priviledge of hearing Dee speak at a women's conference this past April.  She has such heart for women and ministering to them!  Sometimes we can have idols in our hearts we aren't even aware of, and this book brings them to light. (This isn't exactly a mommy/wifey book, but a Christian womanhood book.)  

5.  Mission of Motherhood ~ Sally Clarkson

God has blessed Sally with the ability to speak His truth about motherhood so eloquently!  I  hung upon every word in this book.  It really opened my eyes to what my goal as a mother should be.

6.  Ministry of Motherhood ~ Sally Clarkson

How do we minister to our children?  Pick up this wonderful book and read the truths spoken within it's pages.  Sally becomes your mentor, your spiritual mother while you read.

7.  Longing for Paris ~ Sarah Mae

This was the book that woke me up.  It resonated deep within my soul.  Sarah's words are so raw, so real.  It's ok to dream, but we must never let those dreams steal our joy and contentment with the life God has blessed us with in the here and now.

8.  Own Your Life ~ Sally Clarkson

I am owning my life, owning my faith thanks to this beautiful book!  It has stirred my soul and created a yearning for God's Word in my heart! 

9.  The Life-Giving Home ~ Sally Clarkson & Sarah Clarkson

This book has made me rethink the workings of my home, and how I run it.  I'm still learning, but I know now that I want my home to be a life-giving home that helps my husband and children thrive.

10.  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex ~ Sheila Wray Gregoire

Now, you may be a tad shocked at this last book, but I'm telling you...it's a fabulous one! I came into my marriage timid, shy, and pretty much completely uneducated in the sexual realm of married life.  I thought sex was scary, rather nasty, and something naughty.  I was NOT sexy for my hubby AT ALL.  Reading this book opened my eyes to the beauty of marital intimacy.  It is good, it is blessed of God!  Just think:  Your husband is the ONLY man you will EVER have sex with the rest of your life...makes sure it's the greatest fun you'll ever have.

*You can find all of these amazing women on their websites here:  Sarah Mae, Sally Clarkson, Dee Brestin, Sheila Wray Gregoire, Martha Peace.