The Friendship of Moms

This past year (2016) we made the tough decision to leave the church we had been members of for 7 years.  Our children were born and baptized in that church.  We still visit occasionally, and remain friends with most of the members today. 

We began attending the church our brother and sister attend, and we are close to becoming members.  Even though we are not members yet, we feel that we are already part of it.  My kids have been going to their Pioneer Club for 3 years now.  We went to 2 years of VBS.  Last summer, we did the weekly Moms in the Park.  Our kids have lots of friends, and I have friendships with many of the moms. 

That friendship the moms of this church actively cultivate is beyond amazing! During the summer, we meet weekly at a local park for a playdate/talk time.  In the fall/winter/spring months we meet once a month and have a book discussion.  I know that the friendships I had with the moms helped me get through the depressing days after my miscarriage.  Several of them have had miscarriages of their own, and offered love, prayer, and support.  If there is anything we need prayer for, everyone feels free to post in our Facebook group, and all of the moms pray and ask for updates.  It's so encouraging!! 

As you readers know, I posted that I was going through some health issues lately.  I had pregnancy symptoms, and a faint positive in February.  After the faint positive, I took several more tests, but they were super faint, to negative.  I was still having symptoms, though.  I got an hcg blood test done (2, actually), and it was negative.  I waited another week, and then started bleeding (like a period...just 2 weeks late).  My midwife thinks I was pregnant, but that it "failed" shortly after implantation.  I had the faint positive while the hcg was still in my system.  But she is not 100% positive of it, as there are other explanations.  So, we are just not dwelling on that, but leaving it in God's hands.  We will know for sure when we get to heaven. I am feeling pretty much normal now, so I am thanking God for that! 

I was able to ask the moms for prayers as we went through this confusing "am I pregnant, or not" situation.  It was amazing to have love and support!  Having other moms to go to when I need help is really wonderful! 

To my Pregnant Friends...

Dear Pregnant Friends,

I know, I just lost my baby at 10 weeks.  I know that some of you don't know what that is like, and can't comprehend how it feels.  I know that you have no idea how to talk to me, or what to say, or even if you should say things.  I know you feel that you can't share your pregnancy joy without hurting me.  But I want you to know some things:

1.)  I am SO happy and excited for you during your pregnancy!

Yes, I feel a pang of sadness when I see your growing belly...but that doesn't mean I am not thrilled to hear about his kicks or her bout of hiccups at 10 p.m.  It doesn't mean I don't want to celebrate with you when you find out it's a boy or a girl.  I love to celebrate the precious life inside of you!

2.)  I cannot wait to hold your newborn!

I might cry the first time I hold her, but it's not you or him...it's the sadness that I won't be holding my own.  I will drink in your baby's newborn scent, laugh at scrunched up faces, and love her head of hair.  I'll tell you he looks like you or her daddy.  I'll celebrate her arrival and bring a special gift for him.

3.)  I may, at times, well up with tears.

It's nothing you said, or did.  Grief hits me at all times and in all places;  sometimes for no reason at all.  It's part of losing a loved one.

4.)  I will sometimes need to talk.

Some day, some time...I may need to just talk.  About my grief, about my baby...just talk to someone.  So someday I'll need your ears to listen, and your words for comfort.

Grieving is a process.  I'm never going to "get over" losing my child.  But with the Lord's help, and support from dear friends like you...I can live a happy, joyful life.  I won't obsess over the child I lost.  I will laugh at jokes and funny stories.  I'll spend time with friends and family.  I'll live my life to it's fullest knowing I will see my baby again in Heaven.

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.  (it is completely overshadowed by Breast Cancer awareness...)  No one talks about it as much as they should.  The statistics surrounding P&IL are staggering.  One in Four women has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or SIDS.  There shouldn't be a stigma around P&IL.  We should be able to talk about it and find support through it as common as cancer.  Women should know that they are not alone, and they don't need to go through this pain alone.

As Christians, we can find comfort in knowing that our babies are in heaven with Jesus;  singing and dancing and praising our Father.  We will meet them one day, and we will never be separated again.