I know, I just lost my baby at 10 weeks. I know that some of you don't know what that is like, and can't comprehend how it feels. I know that you have no idea how to talk to me, or what to say, or even if you should say things. I know you feel that you can't share your pregnancy joy without hurting me. But I want you to know some things:
1.) I am SO happy and excited for you during your pregnancy!
Yes, I feel a pang of sadness when I see your growing belly...but that doesn't mean I am not thrilled to hear about his kicks or her bout of hiccups at 10 p.m. It doesn't mean I don't want to celebrate with you when you find out it's a boy or a girl. I love to celebrate the precious life inside of you!
2.) I cannot wait to hold your newborn!
I might cry the first time I hold her, but it's not you or him...it's the sadness that I won't be holding my own. I will drink in your baby's newborn scent, laugh at scrunched up faces, and love her head of hair. I'll tell you he looks like you or her daddy. I'll celebrate her arrival and bring a special gift for him.
3.) I may, at times, well up with tears.
It's nothing you said, or did. Grief hits me at all times and in all places; sometimes for no reason at all. It's part of losing a loved one.
4.) I will sometimes need to talk.
Some day, some time...I may need to just talk. About my grief, about my baby...just talk to someone. So someday I'll need your ears to listen, and your words for comfort.
Grieving is a process. I'm never going to "get over" losing my child. But with the Lord's help, and support from dear friends like you...I can live a happy, joyful life. I won't obsess over the child I lost. I will laugh at jokes and funny stories. I'll spend time with friends and family. I'll live my life to it's fullest knowing I will see my baby again in Heaven.
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. (it is completely overshadowed by Breast Cancer awareness...) No one talks about it as much as they should. The statistics surrounding P&IL are staggering. One in Four women has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or SIDS. There shouldn't be a stigma around P&IL. We should be able to talk about it and find support through it as common as cancer. Women should know that they are not alone, and they don't need to go through this pain alone.
As Christians, we can find comfort in knowing that our babies are in heaven with Jesus; singing and dancing and praising our Father. We will meet them one day, and we will never be separated again.
