A Rainbow of Hope...and Fear

After the Great Flood in Genesis, God put a rainbow up in the sky, to show His promise to the earth.  Today, whenever we see a rainbow, it reminds us of God's promises, and that He never breaks them.  It gives us hope, knowing we are loved by a God who keeps his covenants with His people.

A miscarriage is one of the biggest storms a family can go through.  It has dark, dark days.  The sun never seems to shine.  All is despairing and gloomy.  And sometimes God sends a rainbow.  A Rainbow Baby is a baby conceived after a loss...whether that loss is a miscarriage, still birth, or newborn death.  It is the beauty after the storm.

Last week, during our flu escapade that lasted 5 days, we found out we are expecting again.  Seeing those 2 pink lines gave me such mixed emotions!  I was elated, excited, and surprised.  And with that came the fear. 
"What if I lose this one, too?"

God is in control over all things.  And He loves and cares for me and my children both living and in heaven.  If He chooses to take this child to be with Him in heaven, then that is His will.  I have comfort and joy knowing that I will see my children again in heaven someday.  And if He mercifully allows this child to remain on this earth, we will love and cherish him and raise him up to love the Lord. 

Everyday brings joy knowing there's a little life inside of me.  Some days I have mini panic attacks that wash over me like a wave.  I have to calm myself down.  Pray.  Beg God to give me His peace.  I know it's normal to be hyper-aware of every twinge, every cramp, every strange feeling after a miscarriage.  I am trying my best to trust in the Lord and give my cares, my baby, into His loving arms.

So, here we go again!

 Baby Sortwell #8 is on it's way!